Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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