I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
