Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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