The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
