The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
