oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
