The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize