I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
