Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
