How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
