We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
