Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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