One girl and one boy is just not enough.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
