Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Still dying that you shit outside
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
