hotel room ftw
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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