Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
