Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
