remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
