when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
