I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
