How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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