You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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