brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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