My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
