when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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