Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
