So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
