i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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