Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
