why didn't you poke me back
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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