...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
