if you like me you must not know who I am
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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