I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
