you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize