I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
