Pappa wants mamma naked
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
