Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
