This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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