I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
