She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
