3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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