yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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