Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
