waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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