i just had sex bonerless
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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