you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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