Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
