I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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