Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
