so explain again why im purple
no
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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