her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
