Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize