weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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