my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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