hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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