I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
