The maid of honor just puked.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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