just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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