i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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