the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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