No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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