I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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