they need to just BURY HIM!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize