wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
