toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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