and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
