There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fuck appropriateness.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
