So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
